Equivocal Penitence - ABIGAIL GUO '28

Water. Give me water.

My hand reaches for the pristine trickle of cool,

my tongue burns with lust for a freezing

mouthful, a lust hotter than the flames

that carve my crimes into my skin.

Get me out. Get me OUT OF HERE—

Gehenna. What Jesus called a burning trash

dump. What Christians call Hell. What I call

my tomb.

I repent.

The flesh on my knuckles tear as it scrapes

against the stone, unraveling blood and skin.

Unraveling the rotten tape of my life, the

winding record of sin after sin

aftersinaftersin, the downward spiral of lies.

I repent.

Dust seeps into the wound, each sting a

reminder of my mother asking me how my

day went and I said good because I just

didn’t want to tell her how Sara doesn’t

talk to me anymore and how I yelled

at Tina for not telling me what she was

whispering to Jasmine about.

I repent.

Jagged rock slashes at marred skin, each ooze of blood punishing each babbling stream of half truths. Yeah, I went to class (after skipping the first thirty minutes breaking down in the hell hole of a bathroom stall because I didn’t want to look at my teacher’s face after the big fat red F and the hand that wrote it.) Flames lick the punctures clean, each layer of sizzling tissue a stab of agony, a question of guilt that went unanswered.

I repent.

I scream, tearing a throat marred with thirst, lungs tortured by ash. A pang of thirst for every lie of kindness. Every betrayal of the conscience. Every cheek turned at the sight of little Martin cornered as always by Jonas and Peter. Every eye avoiding the pained plead in the eye of a man hobbling on the stones at the intersection gripping a tattered piece of cardboard that begs SO BROKE IT HURTS. GOD BLESS AMERICA.

I repent.

They weren’t crimes. They were just shortcomings.

I rEpEnt!

No blood was spilt. Only tears of ambiguity.

I rEPenT!!!!!

I REPENT!!!!!!!!!